Monday, January 31, 2011

Dolly Parton II

Dolly Parton can kill with a look.
With a chop, or a stab, with an axe or a hook.

Dolly Parton can penetrate steel,
with a laser she keeps in her four-inch-high heels.

Porter Wagoner once made her mad
the worst idea that he'd ever had.

She boxed on his ears til she made his face skinny,
Then stretched out his arms while he bawled and he whinnied

She stepped on his toes and she kicked at his crotch,
and she ratcheted up his whole stature a notch.

Then she stood with her foot on the small of his back
and said "tell me some more of those cold hard facts."

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Dolly Parton

Dolly Parton appeared in my dream
this wasn't nearly as nice as it seems
the one thing I clearly remember she said
was "Boy, I am going to cut off your head."

I know that she's small, and I wouldn't be scared
but god only knows what she keeps in her hair
it could be a knife, it could be a sword
one blow, she could send me to meet with the lord

Dolly is small, but she's hardly a trifle,
you bet on your life she can handle a rifle
when Dolly appears to deliver a threat
you should square your affairs, you should settle your debt.

Friday, January 21, 2011

the Red Hot Poker Dots

These guys rocked my world last summer at the Albino Skunk Bluegrass Festival. I think they ruffled a few feathers with some of their song lyrics though.
Here they are in their native Australia performing Australian Horseback Bass Yodeling. Apparently it's an important part of their traditional mating ritual.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Willie Dixon

Willie Dixon gets nervous. I know the feeling.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year

Good Morning, good cheer, and a happy New Year,
I hope you had fun, and you drank too much beer.

I hope you composed a good new resolution,
And fired some crackers or guns... noise pollution.

Now go eat whatever you eat for good luck,
to ensure that the rest of the year doesn't suck.

Found Poem

FOR SALE: BUTANE LIGHTER Monogrammed "Marion". 269-xxxx

The Prospector, Buckhannon, WVa dec. 23, 2010

Yes, it's a ready made country song,
and yes, I already wrote it.